My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
