If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
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