Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
