dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
