Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Randomize