I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
