So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
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