Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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