Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
