that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
