New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
