He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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