I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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