I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
