All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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