apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
