Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
