and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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