Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
