I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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