yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
