My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
