she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
