It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
