so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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