Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize