just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
