Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
