we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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