i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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