I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
