Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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