im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Randomize
