You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
