the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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