The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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