it hurts more in the daytime
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
