I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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