Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Hippo gnu deer
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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