tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
