I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
