Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wish life had little blips of pornography
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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