This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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