My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
