He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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