i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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