how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I party with great urgency now.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
