Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
