How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
