What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
