Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
