no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
