I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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