You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
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