You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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