you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize