There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize