you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
