I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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