If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I enjoy the company of your penis
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
