Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
