we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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