the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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