I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
