dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
