I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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