I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
