That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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