so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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