I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
