omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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