do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
