so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize