So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I am one with the molecules
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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