first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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