Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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