Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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