It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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