and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
