Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
